Here's a technique that will
keep you calm, centered and serene before and
during the ceremony; it's called Lifting Through
the Chakras.
1. Be aware of
the feelings you are holding in your stomach
(nervousness, excitement, overwhelming emotion).
Imagine that they are gathering together into a
sphere of energy in the middle of your stomach.
2. Take a breath
and imagine that you can lift this sphere with
your inhaled breath to the center of your chest.
Exhale through your chest.
3. Now lift the
sphere in your chest (which will feel lighter)
to the middle of your brow with a series of
uplifting breathes. Then from your brow to a
little above the top of your head.
4. Keep breathing
all the way up to the top every time you want to
be calm. You will find that you will be
centered, serene and able to enjoy all the
precious moments of your Wedding Day.
1. Pre-Marital
Counseling
Pre-marital
counseling is an excellent way to get your
marriage off to a great start. Believe it or not
love is not enough! Communicating
successfully with one another, resolving
conflicts in a constructive way, practicing the
art of gracious compromise are all learned
skills. Resolving differences in spending
patterns, housekeeping, interacting with
in-laws, and blending families are all issues
that can cause unnecessary strain on an
otherwise strong marriage. Pre-marital
counseling can help you to take these possible
areas of conflict and turn them into
opportunities for growth, harmony and greater
closeness. It's the best investment you can
make in your marriage. Rev. Terri has been
a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 30
years.
2. Your Marriage
License
a) Review every
line and box checked for accuracy before you
leave the issuing Clerk's desk. This is a
permanent record. Mistakes
happen.
b) Designate a
responsible person to bring the license and
paperwork to the ceremony. You aren't
legally married until the license is signed.
This may be the same person that you designate
to hold the keepsake copies of your ceremony,
sermon and/or vows and pay the minister and
other vendors.
c) Decide on
either one or two people who will sign the
license as your witnesses. They should be
people who can follow directions carefully as
the license must be filled out correctly (or it
will be rejected resulting in a several weeks
delay and an additional re-issuance fee.)
d) You may obtain
a Confidential license which requires no witness
signatures. But be aware that you must
marry in the same county in which this license
is obtained. Regular licenses permit you
to marry anywhere in the state of
California.
e) County
Recorders have different requirements for
obtaining certified copies of your
license. Be sure to read all the material
you are given to find out what the requirements
are in the county which has issued your
license.
f) If you are in
a hurry for your license to be filed and
certified copies provided, it would be a good
idea to get your license in Santa Barbara as
larger counties may take weeks longer to get
your license filed and certified copies back to
you.
3. Choosing a
Minister
You should have a
good rapport with your minister and feel
comfortable with him or her. The type of
ceremony s/he can provide should resonate with
what you requested your wedding ceremony to be.
Some ministers have set ceremonies. Others
will work with you to create a custom
ceremony. Remember, if you are not really
comfortable with your minister, choose
another.
4. Creating Your
Ceremony
Your ceremony has
a number of parts. Some of them are
required by law, but most can be customized by
you. Talk together as a couple to decide
what you each want as a part of your ceremony; a
song, a poetry reading, prayer, your own vows
which you write or pick out from a selection, a
particular ritual (exchanging a rose, lighting a
Unity Candle, a Memorial Candle, etc.). Have
fun! Be romantic! Be sentimental or
all business. It's your day. Have this in
mind when you meet with your minister so that
you can work together to create the ceremony
that you want. Be sure to ask to see the
ceremony before it is finalized so you can be
sure it is exactly what you want.
5. Picking a
Location
If you pick an
outdoor site be sure to test the acoustics and
what the weather will be like at that time of
the year and hour of the day. If you want
to be heard by everyone, you may need to arrange
for a sound system. Consider how easy or
difficult it is to access this outdoor site for
everyone (young and old) and what the parking
will be like. If you book a hall or any
other indoor setting, you may need to book a
year in advance.
6. Rehearsal
If you are going
to walk down an aisle, be given away, and/or
have a wedding party, it's a good idea to have a
rehearsal and to have your minister there.
Be sure to have everyone know they have to show
up on time and be ready to work for about an
hour. You want your ceremony to go
smoothly on your special day and this is one way
of assuring this.
7. Relaxing On
Your Big Day
Brides and grooms
are often very nervous on their wedding day - so
much planning and preparation and now this is
it!
It's very
helpful to have a few relaxation techniques to
draw upon when you are feeling anxious.
Rev. Terri can teach you some simple, highly
effective ways of turning your anxiety into
exhilaration and your nervousness into serene
anticipation.
8. The Ceremony
a) It's nice to
face each other during your ceremony and to
focus your attention on each other and let the
Minister's voice be a voice-over. This
also allows your guests to see your faces rather
than just your backs.
b) If you are
going to say your vows yourself, ask the
minister to prepare a large type text of your
vows and hand them to you during the ceremony.
Say your vows like you mean them and look up at
your spouse as you speak your vows to
him/her.
c) Rings:
Men: Put a drop
of hand cream or oil on your ring finger.
For some reason, men's hands seem to swell and
the ring is often difficult to slide onto the
finger. This will make it
easier.
Women: If you
don't have your engagement ring and your wedding
ring soldered together before the ceremony,
place your engagement ring on your right hand
before the ceremony so that your fiancé can put
your wedding ring on your wedding ring
finger. You can add your engagement ring
to it after the ceremony.
9. Paying Vendors
If you do not pay
your vendors beforehand (which saves you from
dealing with it at the ceremony), designate
someone to pay the vendors that day. You
should be free of any responsibilities.
This is your time to celebrate the biggest day
of your lives.
10. Celebrate
Your Wonderful Marriage
If
you remember what was said in your ceremony and
what you promised each other in your vows, and
keep those commitments, you
will
have
the wonderful marriage you are now
planning.
